I finally said YES, to His urging of getting out and enjoying my life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve declined His offers. Boy was He patient! There was one time. I took him up on his offer to meet for dinner at a really lovely place in the city. He knows I enjoy trendy restaurants and good food, so he did his homework and found a place in the East Village. I went all the way to the city, dressed up and suddenly consumed with panic, I stood Him up. I felt bad, but I couldn’t have dinner with someone that wasn’t my husband. Later that evening, I sent a heart felt reason why I couldn’t take it. Waiting to hear his disappointment, he instead understood and said, “He would wait for me to become more comfortable with Him.” Well, laa-dee-dah! He also said he wasn’t going anywhere, unless I gave up first. HA! If I had a penny for every time I heard a man say, well I’d be stinking rich! I didn’t understand why he would say that because we were childhood friends. Yes, life took crazy twist and turns, but we remained in contact. Not as much as we both would’ve liked, but we made it work somehow. However, there were many times where I felt him wanting more. Unfortunately, I neither had the time, the head space or heart space to bend to his needs. Again, I played him and still He reached out to me. To be honest, I sucked at being his friend and looking back I don’t know how he remained loving and patient with me.
Here’s some background on my relationship and how we met. As stated earlier, we were childhood friends, but our relationship deepened when I turned 20. As a young woman trying her best to navigate through life and figure out her purpose, he gave me sound advice on every possible mistake waiting to happen. It’s true! I left a good paying job to become a full time writer, all because he said it’s my special gift. But then after seeing my gift not materializing into much of anything, I got another job, but still felt the need to pursue writing. He even advised me to go back to school. He said, “In the same way wisdom is sweet to your soul. If you find it, you will have a bright future, and your hopes will not be cut short.” Proverbs 24:14 Yes, I know, he’s really deep! I remember all the times his advice comforted me. When people gave empty advice, I knew he would share a prophetic counter argument. Life took a drastic turn and I met the husband I prayed for. He told me I would remove the focus on our relationship to my husband and kids. I felt bad he felt that way and I promised I would never do that to him. Of course, he was right and I did the exact thing he said I would do. Even when I had no idea how to be a good wife and mother, I sought quick advice and he gave it to me. Eventually, the quickies weren’t cutting it in our relationship and it went stale and silent. I’d never been the same after that. I’d lost my best friend and wasn’t sure how to get him back.
Time flew by and life took over, but in 2016 an urgency came over me to pursue our relationship again. However, this time it was for keeps. At the time, I wasn’t sure how my husband would handle it, but I knew it was time for me to seek him. The urgency persisted more so when things seemed off in my marriage. As much as I tried to make excuses about it, the prompting intensified until my best friend opened His arms to me when everything came to a crashing halt. Things got bad unexpectedly, yet, “The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18 I liken it to waking up to what seems like a perfect day in the making. No delays on your way to work. The words flowing on a blog you thought would never meet the deadline. The puppies are happy to see the UPS man (ok, that’s pushing it). With such a perfect day, what could possibly go wrong? EVERYTHING! I didn’t even have to call or text him, because he knew right away I needed him. He helped me through the suffering and pain, when I felt like no one could understand. To be honest, he was the only one who understood the pain because he too experienced deep loss. How I wanted to talk about it friends and family, but when I opened my mouth, not much came out but aching, painful sobs.
It seemed like such a long time ago. I was at a very different place then. I have no idea what I would do, if it hadn’t been for his love and compassion. He’s been the source of everything for me. From love, patience, kindness, humility, compassion, laughter (I never thought I would find anything funny again. He helped me with that). It’s insane how much I’ve messed up over the years, even today, and yet he STILL LOVES ME! I never had to prove myself to him or do anything out of the ordinary to get him to love on me. He loved me, PERIOD! The only thing he wanted all along was me, BIG WEENIE! I never thought I would be loved again or cared for again. But he sent people to let me know I am loved. His provision is straight CRAZY, too! I mean I’ve got more than I ever imagined. I’m neither rich or poor, but I’ve got more than enough to spread the wealth. It’s all because of him. MY GOD who rescued me. MY GOD is holding down my home, my sanity, my heart, my life, until he calls me home. I don’t stand him up anymore and I’M ECSTATIC WERE BACK TOGETHER! What God has put together let no man put asunder!